


Bar Wench

by Sajira (Satsuriku_sama)



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Christmas, Drunk Altaïr, Drunk Ezio, F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2072838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satsuriku_sama/pseuds/Sajira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic. Oneshot. Ezio finds Altaïr drunk in a bar. Written for Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bar Wench

**Author's Note:**

> Altaïr's and Ezio's song is "Christmas Sucks" by Tom Waits and Peter Murphy. Mikky's song is "Dream a Little Dream of Me", whatever version you're most comfortable with. Though I suggest listening to Blind Guardian's awesome cover.
> 
> This was originally written for Christmas, I'm not sure why I'm posting this is August. Oh well. Enjoy!

Ezio sighed and tried to remember the closest tavern in this district. He was already tipsy from the wine he had at Paola’s and vaguely remembered going out to search for his mentor, Altaïr, who, in his hazy memories, recalled the old man cursing at the mere mention of the holiday.

 

Venice was beautiful tonight, Ezio admitted in his inebriated state. The dim lights from the houses shone just brightly enough to illuminate the streets. No one was sleeping tonight, Christmas eve.

 

He passed a tavern and paused, listening to the deep voice coming from inside. He recognized it and smiled to himself. It was rare to hear his mentor speak, much less sing. He grinned as re realized it was a duet and hurried inside just as Altaïr was finishing the first verse.

 

“ _Oh, give me a noose I can hang from the tree_

_I need no excuse to end my misery_

_this holiday season is all the more reason to die._ ”

 

The man was slouched on a wall by the bar, a cup in his hand. He looked up as Ezio entered and sat on the edge of the empty table next to his mentor. Accepting a cup from a woman, he took a drink, then continued:

 

“ _Oh, pull up a stool and an ear to a fool_

_who once found some solace in the season of Yule_

_this holiday season is all the more reason to cry._ ”

 

“ _I put on my mittens, one green and one red_ ” Altaïr raised one of his gloves, half dried blood shining in the candle light. No one bothered, crimes were common in this district.

“ _and I walk alone where they bury the dead_

_the snow falls as I breathe its gothic_

_death of christmas eve._ ”

 

Ezio shook his cup at the woman with a pointed look

“ _The bottle is empty,_

 _the sleigh has a flat,_ ”

After the woman refilled his cup, he grimaced, looking at the questionable liquid slushing around in the cup.

“ _the stripper in my bed is ugly and fat,_

 _her tassles are tangled and what's worse - my jingle won't jangle._ ”

 

Altaïr laughed raggedly, and they sang together:

“ _This time of the year makes me sick to my guts_ ”

Ezio continued as Altaïr took a long drink.

“ _all this good cheer is a pain in the nuts_ ”

The elder Assassin took over

“ _when it's your career to be down in the dumps_

 _tidings of comfort_ ” Ezio joined in, belting along “ _and jooooy really SUCK._ ”

 

He calmed a little and sighed

“ _I feel like St. Nicolas is pulling my leg_ ”

Altaïr agreed

“ _this thing we call christmas is a sorry black plague._ "

Ezio prepared for the ending.

“ _this holiday season is...._ ”

Altair took over in the middle of the sentence

“ _...all the more reason_ ” he furrowed his brow, trying to remember the lyrics.

 

Ezio helped him.

“ _all the more reason to diiiie_ ”

A look of remembrance passed over Altaïr’s face and he joined in on the finale:

“ _all the more reason to diiiie_

_all the more reason to diiiie_

_all the more reason to…_ ”

 

They both drained their cups, liquid dribbling down their chins.

 

“ _diiiie!!!_ ” Ezio rasped out as Altair missed his queue and wailed “ _ahhh…_ ”

 

The bar clapped and laughed and the band that had been accompanying them started a new song.

 

“That was nice, lads…” the owner of the bar, a fat, greasy guy, complimented them. “But allow me to best you with one of my employees.” He waved to someone at the back of the bar.

 

Altaïr halted his cup halfway to his mouth and turned his whole head towards the person that emerged from the door behind the bar. Ezio sat up a little straighter.

 

“Mikkie, sing us something, dear.”

 

“Who was singing?” she asked as she vaulted over the counter. That alone was surprising for a woman, but her clothes were…

 

Altair sat next to Ezio and put his cup in front of himself. Ezio hid his smirk in his own cup.

 

Black leather pants hugged her larger than average thighs and… _derriére_ … a white men’s shirt was tucked into it, a black corset defining her slim waist. The large sleeves slipped over both shoulders and two mounds of flesh were being pushed up by the corset to pop over the unlaced collar of the shirt.

 

Ezio waved merrily at her as Altaïr nodded in acknowledgement. She hopped up on the wooden counter, making her breasts jiggle to most men’s delights and thought of a tune. The small band waited for her to decide. She hummed a short tune, and the band leader understood, starting the song.

 

“ _Stars shining bright above you_

_Night breezes seem to whisper I love you_

_Birds singing in the sycamore tree_

_Dream a little dream of me_

_Say night-ie night and kiss me_

_Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me_

_While I'm alone and blue as can be_

_Dream a little dream of me_

_Stars fading but I linger on, dear_

_Still craving your kiss_

_I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear_

_Just saying this_

_Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you_

_Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you_

_But in your dreams whatever they be_

_Dream a little dream of me_

_Stars fading but I linger on, dear_

_Still craving your kiss_

_I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear_

_Just saying this_

_Sweet dreams till sunbeams[find](http://www.lyricstime.com/blind-guardian-dream-a-little-dream-of-me-lyrics.html)you_

_Sweet dreams that leave all worries fall behind you_

_But in your dreams whatever they be_

_Dream a little dream of me_

_Say night-ie night_

_And Leave all worries behind you_

_Oh whatever they’ll be_

_Say night-ie night_

_Stars shining bright above you_

_Say night-ie night_

_Night breezes seem to whisper I love you_

_But in your dreams whatever they’ll be_

_Dream a little dream of me_ ”

 

The bar erupted in clapping, yells, cat-calls, some men even slapping their tables and whistling. She slid off the counter and bowed, giggling and winking at some men.

 

“Another!” Ezio called, and heard many men agreeing to him.

 

“Shouldn’t you be looking after your friend?” she pointed at Altaïr who was currently pressing his cheek against the wall. Ezio laughed at the scene. He paid the woman who served them and hoisted his mentor’s body on his shoulder, leaving the bar.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Fanart, requests and reviews are always welcome!


End file.
